My Dating Life

(or Three Men, One Date, and a Silent Goodbye)

Dating is not for weenies! 

But it IS for serial daters, men with lots of strange stories, guys with logs of baggage, and the males who make me scratch my head and go “huh?."  The subtitle is a shout out to the one-time daters I have come across – the guys who act very interested, who share their life history and a really fun date with you, and then who unceremoniously dump you without a word.  What do you imagine they are thinking?  I wonder why, after one date, a person can’t say, “Sorry, I don’t feel you’re the person for me,” instead of silently retreating.  It makes absolutely no sense, especially when I consider myself an adult woman who is fully prepared to accept rejection (that's what I tell myself). Rejection can happen after one date or ten dates or after a longer relationship.  I made the decision (with some urging) almost two years ago to jump into internet dating with both feet.  No fear!  Since then, I've already been on both sides of rejection, serving it up and taking it on the chin, picking myself up and moving on.

Dating at Wal-Mart.

I have been single for a little over three years now, and I naively thought that dating would be easier than my experiences have been - on and off the internet dating site.  When I was going through a divorce and for a few months after the final decree, dating was one of the last things on my mind.  I believe I was still shell-shocked from a 30 year marriage that didn’t end well. When I finally realized that I was ready, I was not in a hurry to venture into internet dating.  Even with encouragement from a girlfriend, I let it go, sincerely thinking, “I’ll meet someone through work, at the gym, at the mall, or I’ll run into a cute guy with my shopping cart at Wal-Mart.”  In the end, the opportunities I thought would present themselves did not.

 Off to the internet dating world…

Thankfully, I have an awesome friend who has been internet dating for a few years.  (She’s also searching for her Prince.)  Without her, I would have badly fumbled around the website, perhaps making egregious errors in judgment and taking it all too personally.  Instead, I had a guiding hand in my friend, who taught me how to send messages, what to say, and how to make my way toward actually having a date.  I will be forever grateful that she saved me from "winking abuse" and the scammers who are extremely interested in meeting (as soon as they get home from business in Europe). 

Onto the dates…

I have dated a few guys the last year and a half, serial daters included.  I have met some very “interesting” people (like the guy who had his ex-wife living upstairs) and my dates have been as short as 45 minutes (a definite NO) to a relationship that lasted three months.  The three-month relationship ended when “Mr. I-Like-You-A lot” moved out of state after receiving an offer from his employer that he couldn’t refuse.  Good for him, not so good for me.  I will say that having known him has allowed me to set a bar for future dates.  He gave me the knowledge of what it felt like to be treated with respect and to be very comfortable with someone who shares interests. Perhaps that is the reason why I’ve been somewhat picky ever since.  My motto has been “Do not settle”, while my girlfriend keeps telling me, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince.”   I’ve tried to keep an open mind, but I also listen to my gut when it says, “He’s not the one.”

Weirdness!

I’m only going to say a few words about certain potential daters.  “I am going to block you.  I do not look kindly upon your strange fantasy emails or pictures of your backside.  You need Dr. Phil to help you sort things out, not internet dating. “

Insecurities.

Yes, I do have them.  At times, I worry that I’m too old, that I’m not blonde, that I’m financially lacking, I'm not educated enough, that my sense of humor is off-putting, that my glasses are off-putting, etc.  These are times when I’m feeling vulnerable, when another date has gone awry, and I wonder if internet dating or dating itself is worth the energy and time.

The Road Ahead…

When my insecurities finally settle down, I come to the conclusion that it’s a matter of forging the road ahead, being myself, accepting nothing less than what feels right to me, and not giving up.  It may be a road of epic proportions - with ups and downs, frustrations and friendships, good times and bad.  It’s a road I choose to continue on, searching for the Prince, kissing the frogs, and trying to make good decisions while keeping an open mind about the entire dating scene.  I will never find a Mr. Right if I don't try.  He may be on the internet site, shopping at Wal-Mart, sweating over a weight machine at the gym, or sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for me to come in and order a cafe misto.  One never knows.  

Nope, dating is not for weenies.

This is an equal opportunity blog.  I realize there are men out there who can tell stories about their dating life.  One of my dates told me he ended a relationship with a woman because he wouldn’t change his status on Facebook to “in a relationship” after only two dates. I’ve also heard stories of dishonesty and stalking.  Yikes!

If you are currently dating, I wish you many blessings and much happiness in your search.  Hang in there and keep looking.